The Power of Expectations and Saying Things Aloud

I believe one of the most commonly discussed subjects in self development is how the environment influences us through its expectations. It’s easy to say that our family and society have certain expectations as far as our education, job and life in general are concerned and it’s easy to say that we should follow our own track of thoughts not someone else’s. But what if one gets mixed with the other? What if the environment is able to convince you that their expectations are yours? How to make this distinguishment?

First of all, there is a great difference between liking the image of oneself doing a certain activity and liking the activity itself. I might like the idea of being a professional concept artist or a journalist travelling around the world but do I like these activities enough to be completely devoted to them? I tried being a concept artist but realized I was scared of spending 8-12 hours in front of the computer painting. I really enjoyed it. But not enough. I love travelling but I don’t spend my free time writing articles about different places. Even if it gave me money I don’t think it would give me satisfaction.

Why am I saying this: there is a great difference between liking the image someone else paints for us and liking the actual process of being a part of it. In my case – I might have been convinced by my parents that finding a stable job, a decent guy who would take care of me, getting a home loan and giving birth to children – in other words – creating this “mature” life and settling down would be the right choice. A safe one. And I might like the idea of safety. Of having something I can rely on.

But the truth is

1) there is no such thing as “being certain of something” in this world,

2) could a girl who spends her time actively, jumping with a parachute, bungee jumping and studying gliders be happy with stability?

I know the answer is “hell no”. At least not at this point in my life (have in mind that our priorities change with us and we change constantly). Have in mind that there is no such thing as the concept of “who we should be”. You should be someone you want to be, nothing more, nothing less. You don’t know what that is yet? That’s ok. Life is not about finding this one idea because, really, it doesn’t exist. It’s more about going towards the concept of who we want to be in that specific moment. Don’t compromise being happy now for the “possible you” in the future that might never come.

Second thing – the power of saying things aloud, including expectations. Just until recently I was to a certain extent convinced that the picture my parents painted for me and my life might be the right one. I thought that they are older, more experienced and reasonable than I am. And there is a great chance that they are right. But only after I spoke things I though, only after I told my mom that she shouldn’t have ANY expectations about my life did I feel better. I gave myself consent to create my own scheme. I gave myself permission to paint my own picture. Before I said it aloud it seemed childish, ridiculous and immature – not looking for a stable job, not choosing one profession that would give me a regular average paycheck, not choosing being an adult. But you know what? I’ve been an adult for the past 6 years and it didn’t make me happy. Knowing that, would it be REASONABLE to continue that state? The happiest I’ve ever been was when I chose emotions as my basis.

So keep using your mind to get you where you want to be emotionally. Don’t suppress your emotions so you get where your environment and mind tell you, you should be. And say things like that aloud. They might make more sense in that form that only in your own head. And remember that what you “should be” doesn’t exist. With one exception. You should be happy.