What I learnt from FIVE WISHES by Gay Hendricks

This week I read Five Wishes by Gay Hendricks. He discusses in it the subject of things we should do (but from the viewpoint of a dying person). If you were at your deathbed, what things would you regret doing or not doing? As you can imagine, the author lists five: lasting love, completion, writing from the heart, feeling God and savouring life. It's one of the most common coaching techniques - doing things in reverse, for instance asking yourself questions like "What would you regret NOT doing?". Doesn't seem like a very unique concept.

What made this book different (for me) from a typical Bucket List or a digression on regrets was the very question Hendricks was asked at a certain party he describes. "I stand by your deathbed and look you right in the eyes and ask you, 'Was your life a complete success?' " If not, why? What would your deathbed wishes be?

Again, it's not difficult to guess that most people have, at least to some extent, very similar wishes (myself included). Also, much the same list you might find in Top 5 Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware. We're not reinventing the wheel here. I've done more such lists in my life than I can remember, and yet that questions was the first one which combined the concept of human life as a success for me. Basically, the main points that caught my attention could be summarized in the paragraphs below.

1) I'm not going to touch upon the subject of whether we have the right to judge other people's lives (whether as a success or anything else), but I do have to ponder on whether it' right to stop and think of your own life as such in your own eyes.

The post you are reading right now is one of the signs that I'm doing my best not to regret anything and not to leave any projects or ideas unfinished. I wonder what kind of deathbed wishes you have. Below you'll find some of mine:

I'd like to say

- I used my potential for BOTH other people and me;

- I spent a lot of jolly time with my close ones;

- (Just like the author) I didn't rush through my life.

2)"... no matter where I was, I always felt I should be somewhere else."

Spot-on!!! Whether I am at the airfield, at work, driving a car.. it's always about the feeling that I'm not where I'm supposed to be. Lesson: freaking out doesn't help! 'Learning to savour life is an ongoing process' and to be more present (or simply get rid of that awful feeling of not belonging) you need to bring yourself back to the present. If you're nor satisfied with where you are in your life, make a plan and take one step at a time. And rock the moment. You can either make yourself miserable wondering "what if I were somewhere else" which doesn't help with moving forward AT ALL, or try to pay attention to iportant moments (Hendricks listed a cold afternoon when he watche his daughter playing and because of cold wished he were somewhere else. If he hadn't brought himself back to the moment, he would have lost an important memory).

3) 'Be wary about accapting offers of safety and security at the expense of your own creative freedom. Once you trade your freedom for the illusion of security, you have a hard time ever getting your freedom back.'

Just in case I ever wonder whether I should accept a typical lifestyle or job offers binding me to one place long-term.

4) Back talk - the reaction of your body and mind to the attempt of implementing new concepts, e.g. we believe that it's impossible to be happy. We want to be happy, sure thing, but the idea of unhappiness is so rooted in our subconsious mind that it rebels agains it if we try to apply something new. I guess Dipak Chopra was right - 95 % of our thougths are the thoughts we had the day before and the day before and the day before... no wonder it's so damn hard to create something new.